Tailpiece

I left the hotel and drove into Belfast to catch the Seacat from Belfast to Troon. I had to collect my ticket at the terminal so I gave myself plenty time to do it and got there at noon for a 1415 sailing.

"There's your tickets, then", says the cheery chap at the desk. "But I've got bad news for you - it's running a bit late".

"How late?"

"Well, you'll be lucky if it leaves before quarter past four."

"I see."

"And there's more." He pauses, waiting for my reaction. I've done this before so I remain stoneyfaced.

"They're having trouble with one of the engines so it's running at reduced power. The crossing is going to take longer than usual so it'll be about four hours."

"Oh, well, not a lot of point in worrying about it."

"Indeed. I'd suggest an alternative if there was one."

"Have you got a spare rowing boat?", say I wittily, to hide the grinding of my teeth. I had estimated to be back in Edinburgh by about 7pm that evening. I wouldn't even be in Troon by then.

So I wait. I've had lots of practise at doing that.

The boat finally loads at 4pm. The engines rev up, then they shut down. A voice comes over the PA system.

"Ladies and gentleman, this is the captain speaking. We're having a bit of a problem with one of the other engines so I'm afraid there'll be a wee bit of further delay before we get going."

By this time I want to cry. I decide to explore the facilities instead. There is one refreshments area and it is a combined food counter and bar. As the boat is jammed with football supporters heading over to Scotland for the weekend, those of us who want a cup of coffee have to stand in a very long queue with those whose main interest is in getting as much gargle over their throats as they can in as short a time as possible.

After 25 minutes of the queue moving nowhere, I give up and go looking for a seat. There are none. Every seat on the boat is taken and there are people standing everywhere. The journey seems interminable and we finally dock at Troon at 2045.

"Would all car drivers and their passengers please return to their vehicles."

I'd be delighted to, except the person responsible for opening the access to the car deck has forgotten to do so. The "car drivers and their passengers" eventually find a way of breaking through this obstacle and I wearily crawl behind the wheel and wait for the ramp to be lowered. The crew member presses the ramp button - and nothing happens. He keeps pushing it, panic creeping across his face, and still nothing happens. Eventually, it takes nine crew members physically pushing the ramp before they get it down and I finally land on Scottish soil and it's after 11pm by the time I get back to Edinburgh. As I fall asleep, I swear a solemn oath that even if I have to swim, I will never again travel by Seacat Scotland.

25th January 2005

Tour Dates - last update 30 August 2005

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